پاسخ : Short Storie From A Mother With Love Dear Child, I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since. The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out. Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom. Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened. PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.
پاسخ : Short Storie Gorilla Remover A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks. "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his private parts and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the home owner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
پاسخ : Short Storie WHAT MEN WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO WOMEN If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it. Anything you wear is fine. Really. Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
پاسخ : Short Storie Funny! Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts, 24" stomach and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh, My God."
پاسخ : Short Storie A little help...! A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asked the doctor. "Sure; after the police leave," replied the lawyer.
پاسخ : Short Storie MEETING OF THE BOARD! "There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the service" announced the pastor. After the close of the service, the Church Board gathered at the back of the auditorium for the announced meeting. But there was a stranger in their midst... a visitor who had never attended their church before. "My friend," said the pastor, "Didn't you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?" "Yes," said the visitor, "and after today's sermon, I suppose I'm just about as bored as anyone else who came to this meeting."
پاسخ : Short Storie This is why we're in trouble! I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, No." She said, "But they look so close on the map. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a. m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a. m. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that! A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines normally put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing), I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them." A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!" A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my MasterCard!"
پاسخ : Short Storie Buying a Monkey Man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a monkey. The shop owner pointed out three identical monkeys and said, "The monkey to the left costs 500 dollars." Why does that monkey cost so much?" the man wondered. The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer." The man asked about the next monkey on the perch. "That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other monkey can do, plus it knows how to use the LINUX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third monkey. "That one costs 2,000 dollars." "And what does that one do?" the man asked. The owner replied, " To be honest, I've never seen him doing anything, but the other two call him BOSS!
پاسخ : Short Storie Tech Questions A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.” Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?” Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?” Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.” Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.” Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?” Customer: “Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?” Customer: “So that’ll get me connected to the Internet, right?” Tech Support: “Yeah.” Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the Internet, right?” Tech Support: “Uhh…uh…uh…yeah.” Customer: “My computer crashed!” Tech Support: “It crashed?” Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.” Tech Support: “Alright, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.” Customer: “No, it didn’t crash — it crashed.” Tech Support: “Huh?” Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. Now it doesn’t work.” Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship. Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.’” Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”
پاسخ : Short Storie Kids Prayer Dear God, Dear God Please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's Computer. Amen
