پاسخ : Short Storie Elevator "To me, an elevator is a coffin on a string. Dangling over an abyss. It's like a casket yo-yo. Remember the plane crash in the Andes? When the survivors ate the dead passengers? I'm not proud of this but when I take an elevator, I bring a knife and fork and pray for fat passengers." - Carolyn May
پاسخ : Short Storie Painting The house A man's blonde wife decided one day that she was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes, and how all blondes were perceived as stupid and helpless. So, she decided to show her husband that blondes really were smart and self-reliant. Her husband arrived home at 5:30 walked into the living room and found his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a ski jacket over her good full-length fur coat. "Darling! Are you alright?" he asked with concern. "Yes, dear. Just a little tired," came the reply. "What have you been doing?" he asked. She replied, "Well, I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb and helpless. I thought I could do that by painting the living room and dining room." "Well, you've done that, sweetheart," replied her husband as he looked around, "and a nice job of it too. But... what's the deal with the ski jacket and your fur?" "Well, I read the directions on the back of the paint can, and it said, `For best results, put on two coats .'"
پاسخ : Short Storie 80 Year Old Couple An 80-year-old-couple are having problems remembering things, so they decide to see their doctor to find out if anything is wrong with them. They see the doctor and explain the memory problems they've been having. After a check-up, the doctor tells them that they are physically fine but might want to start writing things down to help them remember things. They thank the doctor and leave. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" asks his wife. "To the kitchen," he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she asks. "Sure," he says. She says, "Maybe you should write it down so you'll remember." "I'll remember," he says "Well, I'd also like some strawberries on top," she says. "You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget." "I can remember that," he says, as he begins to lose his patience. "You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream on top," she adds, "I know you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down." Hopping mad he says, "I don't need to write that down! I'll remember just fine." He fumes into the kitchen to get the food. After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast
پاسخ : Short Storie Funeral Service A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held and, at the end of the service, the pallbearers are once more carrying the casket. As they are walking out, the husband shouts, "Watch out for the wall
پاسخ : Short Storie Captain Bravo One day, while sailing the seven seas, a lookout spotted a pirate ship, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, "Bring me my red velvet jacket." The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red velvet jacket, and, after donning the jacket, the captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on, the lookout spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again howled for his red velvet jacket and once again vanquished the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs, and one of them asked the captain: "Sir, why did you call for your red velvet jacket before each battle?" The captain replied: "If I am wounded in the attack, my crew won't notice my bleeding and will continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of their captain. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The rank and file all stared at the captain and awaited his usual request. Captain Bravo calmly shouted, "Bring me my brown trousers!"
پاسخ : Short Storie Dream After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said with a smile. The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return home. That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"
پاسخ : Short Storie Funny Quotes "I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes." - Steven Wright "We live in a mobile home. Hey, there are some advantages to living in a mobile home. One time, it caught on fire. We met the fire department halfway there." - Ronnie Shakes "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul Rodriguez "I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners" - Jeff Stilson "If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright "Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." - Bob Ettinger "My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" "I hated it when the big kids would toss me for my lunch money. But now I walk another route to work, and avoid the school yard altogether." - Brad Osberg "That is the saving grace of humor. If you fail, no one is laughing at you." - A. Whitney Brown "When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other." - Rita Rudner
پاسخ : Short Storie Palestinian & Israelis 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, 'What a good opportunity to have a bath!' He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vaNished. An Israeli had stolen them.' The Israeli representative jumped up furiously and shouted, 'What are you talking about? The Israelis weren't there then.' The Palestinian representative smiled and said: 'And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech .'
پاسخ : Short Storie Daughter-in-law A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The redhead in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."
پاسخ : Short Storie Black Boy A little black boy goes into the kitchen where his momma is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. He looks at his momma and says, "Look, momma, I'm a white boy!" His momma slaps him in the face and says, "Go sho your daddy what y'all did!" He walks downstairs to his daddy in the living room and says, "Look daddy, I'm a white boy!" His daddy also slaps him in the face and says, "Go show yo' grandma!" The boy scoots over to his grandma's room and says, "Look Grandma, I'm a white boy!" Once again, he is slapped in the face, this time by his grandma. She tells the boy to go back to his momma. Once he arrives downstairs, his momma says, "Well, did you learn anything from that?!" The boy replied, "Sure enough did. I've only been white for 5 minutes and I already hate three black people!"
